When I first heard that we were going to primarily focus on the summer texts throughout first semester, I was worried that this process would become frustrating, repetitive, and tedious. However, these feelings quickly went away when I realized the impact this close reading has had on my understanding. I recently read through my CPB from this summer and was surprised at how limited my understanding was on many topics; I certainly was making intelligent conclusions, but I've since extended these greatly.
This has been most prominent in Stephen Greenblatt's Renaissance Self-Fashioning. Out of the three texts we've worked with, this one has undoubtedly been the most complex, confusing, and rewarding. Despite repeatedly rereading it this summer, I came to school with the understanding that I still have parts of myself that are authentic despite having been influenced by society throughout my life. A major source of this confusion was the concept of authorities and aliens; How could I have possibly been unaware that I was submitting to and destruction these major institutions? I've since become increasingly confident about my understanding of the text and have made numerous revelations. Rereading the preface has made it clear that I was wrong in believing that there are authentic parts of me where I'm autonomous. In the preface, Greenblatt explains that "What [he] found particularly compelling about the seminar [he] chanced to attend was Foucalt's argument that the innermost experiences of the individual- the feelings that lurk in the darkness- were not a kind of raw material subsequently worked on by social forces. Rather, they were called into being and shaped by the institution that claimed only to police them" (14 and 15). I realized that I too had fallen victim to the dream of autonomous agency and avoided the alarming reality that my identity was called into existence by these institutions. Despite coming to this conclusion, I was still troubled by the fact that I had never realized that I was submitting to these seemingly huge institutions. The epilogue was an essential help in easing these concerns. Here, Greenblatt recounts the time that he refused his seatmate's request to repeat the phrase, "I want to die" because of his fear that these words will influence his actions and identity. This story taught me that self-fashioning can occur in everyday life; it doesn't mean that you're constantly submitting to an intimidating institution. Simultaneously, Greenblatt's fear helped me realize that acknowledging your lack of autonomy can be frightening regardless of age or expertise. I'm certain that I never would have reached these powerful conclusions without the close-reading, class discussions, and lots of thinking that could feel challenging and frustrating at times. My progress in understanding these texts has given me the trust and confidence necessary to commit to this process for the rest of the year, as I know that it will be essential to my success in AP Lit. While I will undoubtedly feel vulnerable or confused at times, I will remember putting effort into my work will lead to understanding. This understanding will all be worth it in the end, and I'm excited to see what exploring new texts will bring.
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AuthorHi, my name is Perrin Kendall and I'm a senior at The Galloway School. This is my AP Lit blog where I will be conceptualizing, synthesizing, and sharing my own thoughts about various readings. Archives
December 2019
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